I prefer to be organised.
I start my day early so I have quality time for myself by the end of the day. I wrap up all my household chores by 8 or 8:30 in the morning to ensure I have minimal interruption once I open my laptop.
I am struggling.
I am trying to establish ‘normalcy’ in the not so normal situation. I am caught up doing ‘The Balancing Act’.
A minor deviation in the schedule is so upsetting that even during weekend, not waking up on time makes me feel guilty and afraid that I will not be able to finish my work on time and relax with my family. Imagine – who wakes up on time on a weekend?
The other day, my daughter threw an unusual tantrum (she is 6) in the morning resulting in a last moment rush. I was horrified because there was no way I would be able to finish my office work on time.
I can’t rationalise where I am losing time even though I plan for everything. The need to perform perfectly in the balancing act is definitely getting the better off me.
I try something new everyday. I have tried working while my daughter studies. There are times, I do my creative writing after 10 PM. Other times, I have utilised the weekend to finish my task from the previous week.
I am now forcing myself to relax.
It still isn’t working.
It is like punching a new secret code every time and expecting to hear ‘Password Accepted’ while all I hear is ‘Access Denied’.
And then I turn around and look at my daughter. Life has turned 360 degrees for her too but I think she has found her Secret Code to ‘The Balancing Act’.
It is amazing how she doesn’t care about aligning to the already established way of life. She is oblivious to the ‘Balancing Act’. For her, there are no cliches as the ‘New Normal’. Its just yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Will that innocent mindset work for us adults who have different responsibilities and worries? Perhaps, not all the time but right now it’s helping me come to terms with what I am fighting against. It’s reboot time and I need to stop fighting my need for control, the urge to hold on, the need to balance.
I really have to start looking forward to my weekends and plan for it to ensure that one is different from the other. It am sure it will still be tiring and I am certain, I will work beyond work hours at times but it won’t be frustrating anymore. Maybe I will figure out my prime time for work too.
I suppose, the sooner I accept imbalance, the easier it gets to establish balance. Normal is such a abstract term. Sometimes it’s about changing the lens and how I choose to see the world.
In the past few days, I have realised that It is the tinge of imbalance that makes ‘balance’ worth it. Imbalance pushes me for sure, but also pulls me to bring out a better version of me. Maybe, I will start enjoying the imbalance to cherish the newly found balance. Who knows?
As we gear up for unlock lock down phase 1.0, share with us what your secret code is. How are you trying to find your balance.
Write to us, we would love to hear from you. Some secrets are worth sharing.
Author: Sumitra Paul Chatterjee
I Train Consultants India Pvt. Ltd.
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